There are few things more universally uncomfortable than workplace conflict.
It doesn’t matter whether you’re sitting in a corner office, standing on a construction site, working the line in a factory, teaching in a classroom, running a small business—or trying to figure out who keeps leaving an empty coffee pot in the break room.
Sooner or later, somebody is going to irritate you. (In fact, you’re probably thinking about somebody right now.)
They’ll take credit for something you did.
They’ll speak to you in a rude way.
They’ll miss a deadline that suddenly becomes your emergency.
They’ll say something in a meeting that feels somewhere between “not helpful” and “I’ll remember this during your performance review.”
And when that happens, most of us have a remarkably sophisticated conflict-resolution strategy:
We tell somebody else.
Maybe two somebody elses.
Maybe everybody except the actual person we have the problem with.
Apparently, human nature hasn’t changed much in 2,000 years.
Because in Matthew 18:15-20, Jesus offers some surprisingly practical advice for exactly this situation.
Matthew 18:15–20.
15 “If your brother sins [against you], go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have won over your brother.
16 If he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, so that ‘every fact may be established on the testimony of two or three witnesses.’
17 If he refuses to listen to them, tell the church. If he refuses to listen even to the church, then treat him as you would a Gentile or a tax collector.
18 Amen, I say to you, whatever you bind on earth shall be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth shall be loosed in heaven.
19 Again, [amen,] I say to you, if two of you agree on earth about anything for which they are to pray, it shall be granted to them by my heavenly Father.
20 For where two or three are gathered together in my name, there am I in the midst of them.”
—Matthew 18:15–20, New American Bible, Revised Edition
The wisdom: Talk to the person. Not about the person.
It turns out, Jesus gave us a conflict-resolution policy roughly 2,000 years before HR put one in a PDF nobody read.
And Step One is remarkably simple:
Talk to the person. Not about the person.
That advice sounds obvious.
It’s also incredibly hard.
When somebody upsets us, talking about them feels much safer than talking to them.
We vent to our work friend.
We text our spouse.
We send the screenshot.
We replay the meeting.
We draft an email that technically contains no profanity, yet somehow communicates all of it.
But Jesus offers another path.
Go to the person. Privately.
That last word matters.
Jesus isn’t telling us to publicly embarrass somebody. Or call them out in front of the team. Or assemble twelve coworkers to explain why Steve from Accounting is the worst.
He starts one-on-one.
The objective isn’t humiliation.
It’s reconciliation.
Pope Francis, reflecting specifically on this passage, described Jesus’ approach as fraternal correction: addressing another person’s wrongdoing privately and charitably, with the goal of helping restore the relationship rather than condemning the person.
That gives us a useful distinction at work.
The question isn’t: How do I prove I’m right?
It’s: How do we make this right?
Start with curiosity instead of accusation.
Let’s imagine a coworker failed to deliver something you needed.
You could say:
“You dropped the ball again.”
Or:
“Hey, what happened yesterday? I was counting on that being finished, and it put me in a difficult spot.”
Same problem.
Very different conversation.
One attacks the person.
The other addresses what happened while leaving room for an explanation.
Maybe they were careless.
Maybe they misunderstood.
Maybe something happened in their life that you know absolutely nothing about.
Curiosity doesn’t mean becoming a doormat. Jesus isn’t asking us to ignore bad behavior.
You can be direct and kind at exactly the same time.
My former CEO used to say that all the time, and I never quite understood what she meant. Now I do.
Don’t recruit an army before you’ve had a conversation.
I think one of the most interesting things about Matthew 18 is the sequence.
One-on-one first.
Then, if necessary, involve others.
Any escalation comes later.
That’s pretty much the opposite of modern workplace temptation, where a disagreement can become a Slack thread, group text and minor congressional investigation before lunch.
Jesus’ approach protects the dignity of the other person.
And there’s practical wisdom in that.
Research by Christine Porath (Clinical Professor at the University of North Carolina) and Amir Erez (Professor at the University of Florida) found that workplace rudeness can impair task performance, creativity and helpful behavior. Their subsequent research found that even simply witnessing rudeness can negatively affect performance.
More recent research published in the Journal of Applied Psychology found that rudeness can also damage team coordination, information sharing and overall team performance.
In other words:
The tension between two people rarely stays between two people.
It leaks.
Into meetings.
Into morale and collaboration.
Into the quality of our work.
And sometimes into the group chat—which, historically speaking, is where peace goes to die.
Your goal is reconciliation, not victory.
This may be the hardest part, I think.
When somebody hurts us, winning feels good.
Jesus seems much more interested in recovering the relationship.
That doesn’t mean every workplace problem should be handled with a quiet conversation.
Things like serious harassment, discrimination, threats, violence, fraud, abuse or safety concerns may require a manager, HR representative, union representative, compliance department or appropriate authorities.
But most workplace conflicts aren’t courtroom dramas.
They’re misunderstandings. Missed commitments. Bruised egos. Bad days. Poor communication.
The colleague who keeps stepping on your toes.
And for those moments, Jesus gives us a remarkably practical place to begin:
Go talk to them.
Quietly.
Respectfully.
Honestly.
And with the possibility—however inconceivable—that you might not know the whole story.
This week at work
So here’s the challenge.
Think of one person at work you’ve been talking about because of a problem you haven’t talked to them about.
Then ask yourself:
Can I have a kind, private, honest conversation with this person?
Not to score points.
Not to unload.
Not to deliver the closing argument you’ve been rehearsing in the shower for three days.
Just to understand. To be understood. And, if possible, to repair something.
You don’t need to walk into work carrying a Bible.
You don’t need to quote Matthew.
The other person doesn’t even need to know why you’re doing it.
Just live it.
Because sometimes bringing Christ into the workplace doesn’t look particularly religious.
Sometimes it looks like refusing to gossip.
Having the uncomfortable conversation.
Showing somebody dignity when you’re angry with them.
Choosing reconciliation over resentment.
And being the person who brings a little less heat—and a little more light—into the room.
Before you talk about them, talk to them.
That seems like a pretty good assignment for the week.
And thankfully, there’s no PowerPoint required.
On Wednesday:
We’ll Put It to Work with a practical way to have the conversation you’ve been avoiding—without starting a workplace civil war.